9. AMBIGUOUS LOSS AND AMBIVALENCE WHEN A PARENT HAS DEMENTIA

Abstract

…the astonishing struggle that lasts forever Francine Du Plessix Gray (2000). …the simultaneous sound of…both harmonies and dissonances Kurt Lüscher (2000). I wanted to watch my father die because I hated him. Oh, I loved him… Sharon Olds (1992).The concept of absolute absence or presence is not meaningful for adult children when an elderly parent’s mind is slipping away. This is a time of increased ambiguity in the family boundary, in which the status and roles of the demented elder are no longer clear, and often not agreed upon. Not knowing if a parent is absent or present, the potential for ambivalence in the adult children is high. Within this intergenerational context, the main thesis of this paper is that the ambiguous loss of a parent with dementia provides fertile ground for increased ambivalence in intergenerational relations (Boss, 1999, 2002). The heightened ambiguity and resulting ambivalence may or may not be problematic, depending on cognitive awareness and family processes.

Citation

Boss, P. and Kaplan, L. (2003), "9. AMBIGUOUS LOSS AND AMBIVALENCE WHEN A PARENT HAS DEMENTIA", Pillemer, K. and Luscher, K. (Ed.) Intergenerational Ambivalences: New Perspectives on Parent-Child Relations in Later Life (Contemporary Perspectives in Family Research, Vol. 4), Emerald Group Publishing Limited, Leeds, pp. 207-224. https://doi.org/10.1016/S1530-3535(03)04009-3